When I first started writing my book, it was out of desperation. I was in a lot of pain. My world was collapsing all around me. It culminated in me having to spend 9 months on my wife’s couch.
We were separated and because I had such a hard time dealing with the separation and not seeing my children every day, I had what I can only call an emotional and mental breakdown.
I was down to nothing. No car, no place of my own, and if it had not been for my two children, a decision to leave here would have been considered.
During the lockdown I started writing. I started going back in my life to try and find what it was that put me in the situation I was in.
Slowly but surely I began to work myself back in to life. I found a job, got a car, then got a place of my own. I was ok but I was not totally happy.
I got a second job and making decent money but it took time away from my children. I’ll never forget the time my 4 year old completely broke down when I dropped him off to his mother.
He was used to spending every other weekend with me, and seeing me here and there during the week sometimes. Because I had to work 6 or 7 days a week on two jobs, a lot of time with not just him, but both of my children was cut down.
He missed me. I missed the hell out of him too. My book wasn’t complete. Because I was working so much, at times I was too tired to complete this mission I had.
I knew that upon me completing this book, telling my story, and overcoming such a dark time in my life, it could inspire people.
Have you ever been so depressed and broken hearted that you feel alone with people around you? Moving into my own apartment, though it was a blessing, wasn’t all that great of a circumstance for a person who was still very much vulnerable and broken.
It wasn’t that far off that I was in a house with all the utilities shut off, sleeping in a bed at night when it was 25 degrees, and an eviction that was to be executed within days.
I overworked myself because I was so afraid of that happening again.
I worked as a Porter for a used car dealership. After the lock down they asked me to come back and I gladly came back. It wasn’t great money but at least I had something to build some type of momentum and go in a positive direction.
During the middle of the pandemic, I was cleaning cars out to be resold. I was to clean a car that was repossessed and when I opened the trunk, there was vomit in the car.
When I went to tell the boss about what was in the car, he told me that the car had to be cleaned. This car wasn’t even for resale. It was actually supposed to go to an auction. I was trying to explain the obvious. This could be potentially dangerous for me.
Were in the middle of a pandemic, Covid was still spiking and I have to clean vomit out of a car? Do you have anything I can use other than latex gloves? Can you call the head office to see if they can provide safer equipment?
I’m a good worker. I wasn’t trying to get out of work. I have children. If I pick them up and I have covid, They’ll take that home to their mother, and she has a daycare where it could potentially affect not just the people in that household, but the other children and their parents as well.
If Covid gets in a daycare, the daycare has to get shut down for at least two weeks so it could run its course. My children’s mother would have to take that financial blow along with the risk of losing children she watches to other daycares.
I was afraid to clean that car but what else could I do. These fuckers were assholes. I either clean the car and take a risk of possibly being infected or not cleaning the car and they find someone who would.
I cleaned the car and luckily there was nothing there to potentially get me sick but I never forgot how that made me feel. I never got over how cold they were in not caring about someone who was a good and loyal worker to them.
They always told me that I was the best Porter they had had, and they couldn’t keep a good worker.
I felt so trapped and undervalued.
I wanted a way out of this. I began to start feeling my anxiety and depression come back. Most importantly, I started to feel that I deserve more than this.
I’ve come too far and been through too much to work as a Porter making $13 an hour and having to sling trash at apartment buildings for another $65 a night. When I would have 3 or 4 hours during a day, sometimes I would hit my DoorDash app.
I was killing myself working just to pay bills with this little money I had. I was barely able to cover child support as well. I deserved more and was frustrated. I wanted to have more money so I could have better times with my children when I picked them up.
I was grateful for what I had, but I was constantly in struggle mode. My bank account was, and is constantly in the negative.
It had been weeks since I worked on my book. One day, while I was out DoorDashing, something told me, why are you doing this? You have a million dollar idea in your house right now, and you’ve become happy and satisfied driving 5 miles in a banged up car making $8 or less for a delivery. The same voice said YOU DESERVE MORE.
I went home and started reading through the manuscript of my book. I began to work on it either every day or every other day until it was done.
I was constantly being reminded that this book is much bigger than me. It’s going to help people. It’s going to help me. This is the purpose and opportunity I’ve been searching for my whole life.
I fought hard and worked even harder to make this book the best thing I ever created. I revealed things about myself that were painful to uncover.
I had no experience being an Author but here I am crafting my life’s work. The childhood trauma I endured, the failed marriage I was experiencing, the bouts with depression, its all in the pages of this book.
I heard Eric Thomas say in a speech, “you gonna come this far and cry to quit?!” It seemed like when he was screaming in the same speech, “Get a reward for your pain” he was screaming directly at me. Some of my writing and editing sessions for this book were emotionally brutal.
I cried so much in writing this book that when It was completed I was cried out. But I felt good. I was proud of myself for being obedient to my spirit knowing how hard it could potentially be.
I know for a fact that this book is not only going to help others in there moments of despair, but its also going to change my life. It will afford me opportunities to reach stages and get in front of people to share my story.
These same people who see me and read my book, will know that there is hope on the other side of there pain, and it will inspire them to reach for the rope I’ve thrown down the hole there in, that I just climbed out of.
I feel tons of anxiety still on a daily basis though. Its hard to keep up with bills. I’ve released my book and so grateful for those who paid there hard earned money to support it, but it’s on a small scale.
Some people say your family and friends wont support you. I used to believe that until just recently. Most of my book sales have come from my family and friends. I’m forever grateful for that.
However, I’m still in struggle mode. I don’t have the resources to properly promote my book so I could get it into the hands that need it most.
Right now, it’s a jewel covered by coal that people are not able to find. I’ve tried to go to these publishing companies that are pretty much buy here pay here types of businesses. They say they can get my book better exposed but there are two problems.
One, I need over $3000 upfront for these types of companies to begin to work with me. Two it will take 6 months for them to release it. I don’t think six months is necessary and I definitely don’t have $3000. I barely have money to get back and forth to work. Let alone to eat.
I need a legitimate publisher who believes in me. Someone who feels my message. Remember when I said my depression was so bad I could be in a room full of people and still feel alone?
That was the purpose of this book. To let people who are suffering in silence not feel that way. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I’m encouraging people to seek the help they need because they deserve it.
Negative mental health is a horribly crippling circumstance. No, I can’t help everyone, however, I can definitely inspire some to get the much needed help they need.
I have plans to make motivational videos, write books, create music, and just be here for anyone in need of just not feeling alone.
When I look at the resources needed to accomplish this, its intimidating. I’ve never been able to consistently have a four digit bank account.
I’m a hard worker and a creative individual who just needs an opportunity. My book is proof that I mean business and worth every penny a potential publisher or investor sees fit to pay me. They will definitely get a great return investing in my talent.
I can’t continue to kill myself for pennies on the dollar when I can birth ideas to generate millions.
Please share this. Share the link to my book. By copies of my book directly from me where I get the majority of the profits.
This piece your currently reading now is my potential resume for those in authority who can help get my message to the masses while changing my life at the same time.
I believe someone on this platform can help and understand that I’m just as deserving of a shot as anyone. My book proves it. Its insightful, honest, raw with emotion and inspirational.
Thank you so much for your time, shares, likes, and follows. Thank you also for purchasing my book on Amazon and like I said, you can purchase directly from me as well.
I can get you a signed copy of my book. Email your address to firstname.lastname@example.org. Go to Cash App and Search $YerrotMG, Pay $10 and allow 3-4 weeks for delivery. In most cases it will be faster than that especially if I have books on hand.
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